Why I Won’t Order a Man Online

lovers-enjoying-ocean-sunsetOkay, I’ve given it some serious consideration… and the reality is, all my single girlfriends are doing it (except 1). “Made-to-order-man hunting” I call it – listing their criteria and qualifications online hoping to find MrRight™ ! With only a mouse click or two, people are hooking up everywhere. Two “Matched” couples I know got married just this month.

But despite all the evidence for its success, I just can’t bring myself to put myself “on-the-line” and I wish people would stop suggesting it (although I know they mean well).

The usual friendly conversation goes something like this…

Caring Friend: Are you seeing anyone special right now?

Me: No, but, you know,.. I’m still looking.

Caring friend: Have you tried online dating?

Me: (speechless, then) No, I’d rather not look online for something like that.

Caring Friend: You know, if you don’t, you’re overlooking a lot of options. Who knows, the man of your dreams might be looking for a profile just like yours…

I kid you not, online dating seems to be the first (and only) option that escapes everyone’s lips! Online dating is like wearing yoga pants – everyone just assumes they’re “right” for every body!

Well, let me tell you, they’re not!

The message I get is, …If you’re not browsing for a man online, you’re not that interested in finding one – you’re not really trying…Really!?!

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not being stubborn; I have my reasons, like:

I want a “how we met” story that doesn’t include picking him out of a photo lineup. There’s nothing sexy about that. I want the thrill of a chance encounter involving mystery, intrigue and the beautiful serendipity of bumping into a stranger who I’ll one day love intensely – I want a story worth telling.

I want to feel the zing and exhilaration of mutual attraction. There are so few moments in life like it, I want to devour it with my senses. I want the sight, the sounds, the smells of a place in time and him in that moment to trickle down on me, slowly, like rain dripping through the tree leaves.

I want to experience the exploration and uncovering of his life’s details. I want to learn about him in layers, not all at once in a well-planned profile. I want the truth about him – a deep understanding of a soul that only experience and one-on-one interaction can provide. I want to take that slow, like a midsummer sunset unfolding before our eyes.

I want to know that he too cares enough to keep it real. I want to know that he’s out there in the world living in earnest with his eyes and heart wide open, waiting and watching for me, like I am for him. I don’t want a man who’s sitting at home on his computer trying to figure out exactly how to attract the woman of his dreams with a handful of well-chosen words.

I’m not old-fashioned really. I’m just a bit of a romantic who wants more and I’m willing to wait for it. So that’s it; stop asking me. I’ve made up my mind once and for all! He won’t find me on Match, or eHarmony or any other online site. It’s going to take an adventurous spirit full of hope and an unshakeable belief that the Universe works in our favor if we allow it. The sheer fact that we’re both now looking means we can’t help but find each other.

The truth is, I know I’ll recognize him in the flesh when I see him (can’t say that about a photo). And in an instant, with no prior planning, preparation, or professional profile, our lives will turn on a dime and everything will change. I imagine it will be so unexpected that we’ll talk about for years to come, like witnessing a shooting comet or a rare pink sea snail – not something we’ll soon forget – not in this lifetime.

Tell me,…how did YOU meet the Love of Your Life?




6 thoughts on “Why I Won’t Order a Man Online

  1. I can completely relate to what you’re saying. Even though I’m not looking (married) I hear a lot of friends married or not giving advice to others suggesting online dating. It trips me out because even if we’re in the Computer, Tinder, Match.com way of life I’m still pretty old school, and always try to think of friends of friends or meeting someone in a class or actitivity that you’re already involved in, something of that nature. But then the friends go again and suggest the online. And not that there’s anything wrong with it (cue Jerry Seinfeld episode) I have two friends that met their husbands that way, I just know where you’re coming from. 🙂


    • I remember hours spent on the phone “getting to know someone”. Talked so long we ran out of things to say, but we didn’t want to hang up so we just sat there listening to each other breath. Thanks for reading.


  2. Well I’m 0 for three on the serendipitous meeting approach. Met my first wife at school, married for the wrong reasons. Met my second wife through a common friend, married and the relationship changed with the exchange of rings. We are friends again-but the rings had to go. You know the story of my third, love at first Foxtrot and I was sure it was the right one, but many things conspired to end it although we remain close.

    Internet dating for me is a tool. There are thousands of ladies out there, but I’m terrified of approaching a lady in person. I have a hard enough time asking ladies to dance which is a safe environment. It is a lot less emotionally damaging for me to get no response, to get thanks but no thanks via electronic media than it is to be rejected in person.

    Unfortunately this world has made approaching ladies fraught with peril. Women tend to travel en-masse, a protection from the uncouth among us, but terrifying to the decent single guy-hard enough to be rejected by one lady-but ridiculed by a mass? No thanks. Approaching a lady is fraught with the peril that the massive bodybuilder-pro wrestler-hand to hand combat champion just went to the bathroom. Not worth the encounter.

    Internet dating isn’t without its perils, but at least I know the lady is single and approachable. Sure, I mostly get likes from 29 year olds with email me direct at xyzsexy at gmail which are Nigerian scammers, but I have hope.

    I guess I’m with you on hoping to meet the right one again some day, but I’m not willing to foreclose tools and approaches to get there. Dancing is one approach, it is a limited pool of possibilities. But otherwise, the problem is how do you guarantee approachability for the right guy/gal at the right time?


    • Just to be clear, I’m not knocking online dating in general – it just isn’t for me. I think for some it’s a great tool, because it expedites what they want. I think your question about who/how to approach someone you kinda like is really valid. I personally go out with girl friends because it’s no fun alone, but not for protection…If a guy is sincere in his approach, he’ll know when he happens upon a mutual attraction. An interested comment about the experience at hand is always good…


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