I have certain friends who I love to spend time with. When we are together, we spend the entire time talking about the things we love and are passionate about: good food, music, our kids, dance, vacations, yoga, our aspirations, dreams and long-term goals. We’ve become close over the years because we share deeply about who we are. I feel like I really know these people because they share with me what they love – a precious commodity.
On the contrary, I have other acquaintances who only share their bad news. They use complaining and gossip as regular conversation starters. I hate to admit it, but I sometimes avoid them altogether because I don’t want to get caught up in a negative conversation. If I had to, I couldn’t tell you much about them, because I don’t know anything about what makes them happy. The don’t make the things they love common knowledge.
It’s up to you when you approach conversations with others, but being at the ready to talk about the things you love and cherish in life allows others to see you more clearly and connect with you in a genuine way. Asking others about what they love and what excites them lets them know how much you appreciate who they are on a fundamental level. Bad news, in general, acts like a wall between you and others. It’s hard for people to get beyond the barriers to really get to know you. They feel pressured to provide answers or advice and in many cases, getting involved like that doesn’t seem worth it.
I hope I’m not misunderstood, seeming insensitive. I know there are times in life when we really need a sympathetic ear, but we should try to reserve those fragile topics for people who can hold them gently. We could even set up personal limits – maybe allowing ourselves one crisis intervention every six months. Limits like these force us to work (on our own) through the minor challenges that are part of everyone’s life. Every time we bring a negative situation to others, we are avoiding that work of managing our own lives, and putting it on the shoulders of people we love. Constant drama drains the energy of relationships over time; people just give up on trying to help the hopeless.
But a LOVE conversation … Wow! That sticks with you like a satisfying gourmet meal. We remember these talks long after we part, because they build an energy of excitement and possibility that inspires and motivates us. Love conversations tie people together because when we talk honestly about what we love, we expose our souls’ penchant for a life of love and beauty. When we start a love conversation, we offer others a gift – a small slip of our soul on a napkin.
In real life (vs. social media), starting conversations with what we love, may seem a little selfish at first; but talking about the great parts of our lives actually helps others in a unique way. Spreading good news is like sprinkling a little hope out there for others. We build momentum for the positive which makes it more accessible for others. We invite others to appreciate and share the greatest parts of themselves regularly, openly and excitedly, as if it were the most normal thing in the World. .
What would you be willing to reveal in your next one-on-one?